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Condom use among men is about 20%. When they start wearing condoms, they can gripe. Until than, too bad!

Thanks for stopping by, Virago.

Does it matter that women are not expected to show that they used birth control in order to take advantage of the options they have when a pregnancy occurs?

Are you saying that you would support men having choices about parenthood if 100% of men used condoms?

“Does it matter that women are not expected to show that they used birth control in order to take advantage of the options they have when a pregnancy occurs?”

What’s this going to proove? There are many forms of birth control, and a lot of women can’t physically handle the side effects of hormonal birh control, so they can’t use the pill or the depo shot. In this case, a woman may opt for an over the counter birth control like a contraceptive sponge. What is she suppose to do? Save all her used sponges as proof she used birth control? Should a guy be allowed to say that she “lied about using birth control” because she doesn’t have any proof that she used a contraceptive sponge. That’s like asking a guy to safe all his used condoms as proof that he really uses birth control. OTOH. a woman who really might be lying about birth control (very few I might add) may simply say that she used a contraceptive sponge. And birth control can and does fail no matter what method is used. So the birth control a woman uses or doesn’t use should have no bearing on what options she has if a pregnancy occurs. OTOH, pregnancy happens in HER body, and only she has the right to make a decision to go through with the pregnancy or not. Once a conception occurs, it’s up to her and her alone to decide.

“Are you saying that you would support men having choices about parenthood if 100% of men used condoms?”

If a 100% of men used condoms, they are already making a choice about parenthood. They are choosing to prevent a pregnancy from happening all together. Now condoms do break, etc, but the unwanted pregnancy rate would definitely go way down if more men choose to wear a condom instead of putting all the responsibility for birth control on their partners. After all, women are only fertile a couple days a month (and no it’s not always possible for a woman to know when she is fertile either, women have different cycles). Men are fertile EVERY DAY. If a man is sleeping with a different woman every night, he doesn’t know what woman might be ferile or not. And he needs to protect himself. Just like he doesn’t know who has an STD or not. Once a pregnancy happens it’s out of his hands. And hey, the guy can choose to be a father or not when the kid is born. After all, no one is going to force him to visit the kid or anything. He can totally wash his hands of the incident. And as for paying child support? Too bad. Why should I as a taxpayer have to pay for his lack of a condom?

I guess stricter child support laws encourage men to wear condoms:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/18/AR2005061800813.html

If a woman really didn’t want to get pregnant than she would use birth control or make the man wear a condom. Accidental pregnancy hardly ever occurs especially with all the pregnancy proof birth control options available today. And if someone tells you otherwise, thats bull. The woman was just irresponsible or really did want a baby. The woman knows her body best, whether she’s fertile or not so she should bear most of the responsibility if she doesn’t want to get pregnant. After all it is her body. And if she doesn’t want hormonal treatments then there are other options, such as condoms or abstinence. If she does get pregnant and decides to keep the child but the man doesn’t than she should bear the burden of raising the child herself. And if she can’t afford to raise the child herself she shouldn’t have it or she should give it up to someone who can.

“If a woman really didn’t want to get pregnant than she would use birth control or make the man wear a condom.”

Mia, your stupid comment makes me think that you must be a guy, or a stupid woman. Birth control is both partner’s responsiblity not just the woman’s.

“The woman was just irresponsible or really did want a baby”

Yeah, that kind of logic works both ways. And a guy who doesn’t wear a condom is just irresponsible or HE REALLY DID WANT A BABY.

“The woman knows her body best, whether she’s fertile or not so she should bear most of the responsibility if she doesn’t want to get pregnant. After all it is her body”

A guy knows his body best that HE IS FERTILE EVERY DAY OF HIS REPRODUCTIVE LIFE. Therefore; he should bear all the responsibility to wear a condom EVERY TIME HE HAS SEX so that he doesn’t get a girl pregnant. After all, IT IS HIS BODY.

“And if she doesn’t want hormonal treatments then there are other options, such as condoms or abstinence.”

And if a guy doesn’t want to risk getting a girl pregnant, there are options such as CONDOMS OR ABSTINENCE.

“If she does get pregnant and decides to keep the child but the man doesn’t than she should bear the burden of raising the child herself.”

The woman is already bearing the burden of raising the child herself becasue she is the one who is doing all the hands-on childcare, you idiot. No one is going to force a man to visit the kid, or be a part of the kids life in any meaningful way. Paying child support is not “raising the child.” In fact, it’s reimbursement to the mother for money that she already is spending on the child because most single mothers are employed nowadays even those who get some kind of welfare. And the man should pay this because tax payers should NOT have to pay for his lack of a condom. I don’t give a damn if the guy wanted the kid or not.

“And if she can’t afford to raise the child herself she shouldn’t have it or she should give it up to someone who can.”

I suppose by saying “she shouldn’t have it” you mean “have an abortion”. Well, guess what? That isn’t for you to decide now is it? And putting the kid up for adoption isn’t for you to decide either. Not even the guy who got her pregnant can decide those things for her. The problem with this “forced fatherhood” crap is that men are fixated on what they can’t control, i.e., abortion, paying child support, whether their partner is on birth control or fertile or whatever. They need to worry about what they can control, and THAT IS THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR.

Oh, wait this “forced fatherhood” crap may soon be a thing of the past:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3543478/

OTOH, a male contraceptive would have been available a lot sooner, but pharmaceutical companies didn’t think there was enough consumer interest, i.e., men . That sure as hell doesn’t surprise me. Condom use is at 20% among men, and any kind of male birth control pills and implants are resisted by men. Men can whine all they want, but their the ones who are ultimately responsible for being irresponsible.

Virago, I have to say that you seem to have a pretty broad and low opinion of men as a group. Do you truly want to blame ALL men for a pharmaceutical company’s assumption that there wouldn’t be sufficient demand for a male contraceptive?

Any time a woman does something irresponsible, I am not going to paint all women with the same brush and hold them responsible for the actions of one person who sets a bad example. And I am certainly not going to hold women responsible if some private corporation does its own cost-benefit analysis (correct or incorrect) and decides against pouring R&D dollars into any particular drug development project. Do you seriously consider a drug company’s financial decisions to be hard evidence of how any particular man in the general public thinks or conducts himself?

Also, if a pregnant woman didn’t want to be forced to bear or raise or financially support a child, would you be calling her point of view “forced motherhood crap?”

“Do you truly want to blame ALL men for a pharmaceutical company’s assumption that there wouldn’t be sufficient demand for a male contraceptive?”

Of course, I don’t blame ALL men. Just the ones who don’t want to take responsibility for their own birth control and want to dump ALL the responsibility on women. After all, condom use among men is 20%. Why would I think it would be different for a male birth control pill? OTOH, it looks like this male birth control pill may be available in a few years. When it hits the market, we’ll know for sure how men will react to it. Until than, there’s a thing called a condom.

“Also, if a pregnant woman didn’t want to be forced to bear or raise or financially support a child, would you be calling her point of view “forced motherhood crap?”

Pregnancy has effects on a woman’s body that can lead to a whole host of health problems as well as death for a woman. My aunt almost died during her pregnancy due to health complications, and she had her tubes tied because another pregnancy would have killed her. Guess what? Her tubal ligation failed, and she got pregnant again. She got an abortion. Shoudl she be forced to go through with a pregnancy that could’ve killed her? I don’t see men getting health problems or dying because they are forced to pay child support for a child they don’t want. Also, do you know that the number one cause of death for a pregnant woman is HOMICIDE due to abusive husbands/boyfriends? Pregnant women are in a position that NO MAN WILL EVER BE IN. Forcing a man to pay child support for a kid he doesn’t want doesn’t even compare to forcing a woman to go through a pregnancy that could cause her a lot of health problems and/or death. Also, why should women be forced to “raise” a kid she was forced to give birth to? What man is forced to actually raise a child? I don’t see all these men who have to pay child support for a kid they didn’t want being forced to “raise” the child. These men aren’t being forced to visit the kid, or do any kind of hands-on childcare, or forced to have physical custody of a kid they don’t want. They have the choice to not see the kid at all, and the majority of them DO NOT pay child support that they’re suppose to pay. And a woman who does not want to raise a child that she gave birth to and gives said child to the biological father to raise has to pay child support just like a man whether she wants to or not.

Admin, I already stated what the problem is with this “forced fatherhood’ business is:

“men are fixated on what they can’t control, i.e., abortion, paying child support, whether their partner is on birth control or fertile or whatever. They need to worry about what they can control, and THAT IS THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR.”

Hi Virago,

While I can’t agree with a lot of what you are suggesting and some of the anger toward men that seems to accompany some of the viewpoints, I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your thoughts on the matter.

For one thing, however, you seem to be of the mind that I am suggesting that men be able to force a woman to carry a baby to term when she doesn’t want to. I never suggested anything of the sort and I think it is a source of confusion if you are going to equate giving a man a choice in whether to be forced into parental obligations with robbing women of their freedom of choice.

I fully support freedom of choice for women and nothing I have said would contradict that important right. But ensuring that women have the freedom to choose what to do with their bodies doesn’t have to mean that there is also the ability to choose for a man that he will have his life tied to hers and his financial future dictated by her decision.

The idea I was considering when I first wrote on the topic was that women do have their bodies involved and shouldn’t be told what to do with regards to continuing or ending a pregnancy… But following that point, it may then be unfair for a woman to take what was her decision alone and use it to tell a man what to do for the next 18-22 years of his life.

There is a difference between decisions about continuing a pregnancy and decisions about whether to become a parent and support or raise a child (and who you will do it with).

I think it may be an error to group the two into one decision. Women currently enjoy a great deal of control and choice in reproduction. This is not presently matched with the same degree of responsibility. 100% of the control and choice are then followed by 50% of the responsibility, with the option to force the other 50% on a man who may have had 0% choice or control in the decision about continuing the pregnancy.

I think you may be making judgments about men who do not use birth control 100% of the time that you might not make about women who have the same pattern. If a woman’s birth control fails for any reason (including not using it) she is not forced to do anything she doesn’t want to for a single day, much less for 20 years.

I am sorry to hear about your aunt. I am glad that it sounds like she ultimately ended up in good health despite what would have been some very scary circumstances.

For the most part in the modern day, pregnancy is not considered a life-threatening condition. That said, I still have not and would not propose letting a man force a woman to unwillingly continue or end a pregnancy.

But I also don’t think I would propose continuing to let a woman force fatherhood upon an unwilling man. He may have been lied to about birth control. He may have had sperm taken from a condom. At present, it doesn’t matter how justified he might be or how careful he was. But we don’t ask any questions of women who want an abortion. No moral justification is required on their part. For men, no moral justification is good enough in the current system.

I agree that pregnant women are in a position that no man will ever be in.

But I will also state that being forced to support a child without any choice in the matter (beyond having had sex) is a position that no woman in our society will be in.

“I think you may be making judgments about men who do not use birth control 100% of the time that you might not make about women who have the same pattern.”

Do you know how EXPENSIVE birth control is? And do you know that that most health insurance DO NOT cover the cost of birth control? Do you know that the so-called female condom is 5 times more expensive AND has a 21% higher rate of failure than the male condom? And do you know that most men DO NOT help their long-term female partners pay for the expense of birth control? And in addition to all this, there are pro-life groups who are constantly trying to pass legislation to ban not only abortion, but hormonal birth control all together! Failing this, they are making it increasingly difficult for low-income women especially to have access to AFFORDABLE BIRTH CONTROL AND ABORTION. Male condoms are cheap in comparison. So, a lot of time that women may be inconsistent (not irresponsible) in their birth control is because THEY CAN’T AFFORD IT. Still the number of women on birth control is still higher than the number of men who use condoms.

“For the most part in the modern day, pregnancy is not considered a life-threatening condition”

Do you know that the United States ranks higher than most other industrialized nations in maternal mortality rates? Do you know that even a developing country like S. Korea has lower maternal mortality rates than the United States does? How about the number one cause of death of pregnant women-HOMICIDE? Sounds life-threatening to me.

“He may have been lied to about birth control. He may have had sperm taken from a condom”

The chances are more likely that a guy will lie about his girlfriend deceiving him about birth control in order to get out of paying child support than a woman who will steal his sperm from a condom which btw is an urban myth.

“But I will also state that being forced to support a child without any choice in the matter (beyond having had sex) is a position that no woman in our society will be in.”

What about the abusive husbands or boyfriends who deliberately tamper with their wives or girlfriends birth control to force a pregnancy on her? What about the abusive husband/boyfriend who disables his wife/ girlfriend’s car, isolates her from family and friends in the middle of no where so that she can’t get to the nearest big city to have an abortion because all the pro-life groups managed to shut down any abortion clinics near her? What about the wife/girlfriend who is afraid to have an abortion because her abusive husband/girlfriend might seriously injure or kill her? These scenarios are far more common. I’ve worked with battered women, and I’ve heard these same stories over and over and over again. And once these women are forced into having their child by their abusers, they often end up on the run with the child with little or no financial support. And guess what? The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she leaves her abuser because the chances of her being murdered triple. Gee, Admin, how many men are forced to have children and support them under these circumstances by women? Women can’t win. They get murdered for being pregnant if their abusers don’t want the child, and they get murdered if they try to leave the abuser with a child that he may have forced on her. THAT IS A POSITION THAT NO MAN IN OUR SOCIETY WILL BE IN.

I’ll try to avoid going into all the obvious self contradictions of Vriago. You need to have a very low IQ to accept her arguments. All her raving doesn’t alter the fact that women can and do take the morning after pill when it suits them. The morning after pill is easily available. In many countries no prescription is even required.
The ludicrous argument that she’ll get beaten if she doesn’t have the baby are rediculous. The man never even needs to know she took the morning after pill. In any case she has vast powers and support networks available to her if she wants them. Abused men are just as common as abused women and they have no support services and few options.

On the other hand there are literally millions of men who are forced to have and pay for children whether they want them or not. They then must pay for 20 years for the mother’s life style choice.

Virago is clearly an anti-male bigot, and who is unable and/or unwilling to comprehend the obvious inequalities under law (which violate the Equal Protection clause of the 14th Amendment). Condoms can break, and can be tampered with by women. I have heard of women fishing used condoms out of wastebaskets, and impregnating themselves with the contents. There was even a case (Philips vs. Irons) where a female doctor performed oral sex on her male doctor boyfriend, went into the restroom to “freshen up” (which entailed transferring his sperm from her mouth to her vagina), then sued him for child support. I suppose Virago is going to say that all of this is acceptable?

Also: there is no accountability for child support: the women that collect are able to spend the money on anything they choose.

Then there is the related issue of “paternity fraud” – a woman can name a man that is NOT the biological father as the father. If the man is out of town on an extended trip, he will not be able to respond to the Notice in timely fashion, and will then have a “default order” entered against him.

And so you’re worried about the cost to taxpayers? Guess where most male criminals come from: from families headed by intentional single mothers.

Equal rights are supposed to work BOTH ways, Virago. Get a clue! If men could refuse parenthood the way women could, none of this would happen. If women knew that they couldn’t “nail” a man to support their UNILATERAL choice, the would either abort or adopt out the child.

It seems to me that if the sexual act of intercourse is going to become a recreational sport, as it seems to have become, then both parties are equally responsible for the outcome. Or, perhaps return to a century or two back and provide chaperons to inhibit the passions. If a man wants to indulge in recreational sex for a number of years (until he feels ready to procreate) then why doesn’t he have a vasectomy? Be responsible, boys, take care of any contingencies that arise and don’t rely on the woman to take care of it!

Hi Caroline,

There are a couple problems with your argument, as I see them…

One is that your attitude toward men getting a vasectomy if they want to have sex but aren’t certain they want to have kids is based on an inequality I doubt you would apply to women. Would you tell women to get their tubes tied if they don’t want kids, and then hope they can reverse it if they change their mind? Vasectomy is considered an IRREVERSIBLE operation. The vas tube can be reattached but the chances of a man becoming fertile after a vasectomy reversal is in the neighborhood of 50%.

As well, forcing men to pay 50% of the cost for an unexpected child the man doesn’t want to be a parent to isn’t holding both parties 50% responsible for “the outcome” — because the OUTCOME of having sex is a PREGNANCY. A CHILD is the OUTCOME of a woman’s unilateral decision to carry a pregnancy to term. As long as women enjoy this choice, they can’t also turn around and treat a child like the inevitable OUTCOME a man faces if he engages in the act of sex.

Anyway, thanks for reading and sharing your opinion.

I may have gone too far in suggesting a vastectomy, I realize it’s quite permanent. The condom was probably in his pocket and he just didn’t want to wear it. Men and boys, please be responsible when you hop into bed with your girlfriend.

Hi Caroline,

Thanks for the follow-up. I’ll agree with you that it is quite possible that “the condom was in his pocket and he didn’t want to wear it.” That is a scenario that is not unheard of.

But I will also say that stating that that was PROBABLY what happened in any given case is far from fair and probably inaccurate.

There are many other circumstances that could lead to the result of a man being forced to pay a large percentage of everything he makes for the next 18+ years and they also include the also possible scenarios of:

- his partner having misled him about birth control
- his partner having misrepresented her intentions if a pregnancy occurred
- his having used the condom but it having malfunctioned
- her having taken the contents of the condom without his knowledge and used them to cause a pregnancy

Or any other variety of circumstances. Some will occur more commonly than others. None of them are impossible. In all cases, regardless of how honest and responsible (or irresponsible) the man has been (or the woman) the end result if a pregnancy occurs is…

…she has complete control over the decision about whether to have a child and whether this man will be forced into parental obligations.

And she enjoys this right and he this forced obligation even if the circumstances were such that he was very honest and responsible and she was very dishonest and very irresponsible.

I certainly would not paint all or most women with a dishonest / irresponsible brush. But to say, without knowing any of the details of a given case, that “he probably was too lazy to take the condom out of his pocket” is to generalize and paint men with that very same brush.

I am a new father, and I did not want my girlfriend to go through with the pregnancy. I made this clear to her, but I also realized I had nothing to stand on legally, so from the beginning, I told her that I realized it was her choice, but that I did not intend to change my future plans or to be permanently committed to her. It felt cold, and it was difficult for me to tell her this, but I felt it was important to be straightforward. I also told her that if she did choose to go through with it, I would be as supportive as I could. (The details of what that statement meant have become the source of many intense arguments.) So she had the baby.

Now the reality of being put in this situation goes beyond any statistics or philosophical musing about the idea. It introduces problems and issues that completely alter my life forever, and puts an incredible amount of psychological stress on me. Paying child support or whatever is the least of my concerns.

After acceping what was happening, the natural thing I felt to do was to shower her with affection, and after the baby was born, I just tried to stay positive and make the relationship work. But any time she senses that I’m needing space away from her, she starts lashing in with these really hurtful remarks about how she doesn’t know if she can count on me. And I wonder what exactly she expected? She thought she could just force me into this and everything would just fall into the place the way she liked it? What about my life, my future plans, my hopes and dreams? All gone so I can help her have the future SHE dreamed of.

I don’t want to say my story is a catastrophe because I am still trying to live with it and make something positive out of it. But I do feel I need more emotional support. It is hard for me to talk to anyone, with the programmed attitudes people have about deadbeat dads, without any consideration of what it feels like to be forced into a lifelong responsibility that you made perfectly clear you did not want.

Sorry for this, and I am embarrased, but I had to correct myself a third time. I typed too fast, and didn’t correct it carefuly.

(Final Version)

I am amazed how Caroline and Virago won’t even consider the fact that this is unfair to men. We men are able to consider their side. Their opinion that men need to pay support for the kids no matter what, that the man knew what he was doing and should be careful, and that they have a right to control their body, in regards to abortion.
Virago and Caroline don’t seem to hear the main issue.
That men have less rights and protection under law, policies, and social dogma.
Women can have unprotected sex and if they decide they don’t want to have the baby, they can abort whether the man wants them to or not, even when there is no medical reason to abort.
However, on the other hand, if the woman says she will take precautions to not get pregnant, and will take responsibility for anything that happens, there is no obligation on her part by law, policy nor even social expectation, to follow through. She has no responsiblity to follow-up with abortion or to at least accept 100% financial and custodial responsibility to support the child, if she does become pregnant.
Of course, we are big boys, and if we lay down, we know we will be held responsible if a baby comes from it.
I think this post was making the effort to say we understand the situation, but that it is not fair and that men aren’t treated equally to how the women are treated in these situations. Its as if the woman has no responsiblities to live up to, from sex that creates a pregnancy, unless she wants to. However, the man will have responsibility whether he wants to or not.

What about kids in general, and women’s pressure on their men to insist on children. I bet if honestly polled, a vast majority of husbands, even happy fathers, will admit that they either never wanted even one child, or decided they didn’t want anymore children after one or two, but their wives strongly pushed for the children, and after arguing and saying no, you have two choices, divorce or say yes and deal with it. Many men are the rational ones and don’t want to destroy their marriage or existing children’s family, so they submit.

Men have become emasculated by our laws and their effect on our society/culture. It is supposed to protect the children, well it does, but at what cost. This forced fatherhood adds many more babies to the population, because we men are able to be trapped and/or controlled by women, using the children. And most of us learn to deal and love the children as it is not their fault.
We are subject to emotional, irrational women and their control on us.

Men, husbands, and fathers deserve better representation, and we need to fight our fear of fighting back and saying this is enough. We have a right to be protected. This, in some ways, reminds me of the slavery guilt. We are being punished by laws that were created because of men, who in the past did not take care of their responsbilities and treated people (women or blacks) incorrectly. Now, we feel guilty and allow the government to set morality laws on us that are not fair. Just like white men need to quit feeling guilty for crimes of our fathers and fight back on legislation, policies and social dogmas that are not fair, so too should men fight back on legislation, policies and social dogmas that are simply unfair and bad for our culture and society.
If we are all equal (and we are), then lets be equal. White, black, woman, man… EQUAL!

Dude, it’s the equivalent of me wanting to buy something (like a house) and taking out a loan and then forcing my ex girlfriend to pay half or more. Paying child support for an child i had not agreed to having is bloody expensive, particularly when it often means supporting the mother more than the child. the rules are screwed up.

If this guy on Dr. Phil did not want kids, why didn’t he get a vasectomy? Men rarely take responsibility for birth control. Many of my friend’s husbands refused to get vasectomies after their kids were born and their families were complete. Their wives had to either stay on birth control or get their tubes tied. If men don’t want kids, let them either take responsibility by getting a vasectomy or wearing a condom, or just abstain.

Thanks for the comment, Bostonian.

I would ask, however, how you would feel if someone told a woman that if she doesn’t want kids, she would have to be limited to those same choices, including abstention / permanent sterilization – and that if she did not, she would then be subject to the man’s decision on whether there would be a child and whether she would have to pay money to the man and the child for 20 years into the future.

It is unfortunate if your friends have husbands who would prefer to put their wives through a tubal ligation versus having a vasectomy. I can’t comment intelligently on the exact circumstances of their relationships, but all things equal, vasectomy is a safer and less invasive operation.

That, however, has little bearing to me outside a marital context where the couple has mutually determined they want no more children.

Everyones comments on here are very interesting. As a young woman working on my career its always been important to me to think of birth control. Of course this is not the same for every woman. I have known girls whos only goal in life is to have a baby, whether they are in a realationship or not. I think some of you have come off the issue slighty and were talking about women in forced pregnancies or who were raped. This is not the issue, it is whether men should take responsiblity for the baby if they wanted it or not. People have talked about men and women taking responsibilty for thier bodies and birth control and there are for and against arguments for all types of birth control. But in a moment of passion these things can get forgotten, it takes a strong person to insist of the man wearing a condom if you are in love and he doesn’t want to. The issue is what happens if the woman gets pregnant (and wants to keeps it) and if the man doesn’t want a child. My view is, if the man wants to be in the childs life then the cost should be 50/50, if the man wants nothing to do with the child then he should not have to pay. A woman has a choice over whether to keep a child or not (either adoption or abortion) a man does not have this right. He should have the right to either be there and pay (what he can, not to bankrupt himself) or to leave.
This may not be a popular view but in my option it is the fairest.

What the man in this situation is paying for is the woman’s choice to keep the baby. If the woman chooses to give the child up for adoption, she and the bio father are no longer responsible for the child. If she has an abortion, no one is responsible for the child. The situation we are discussing is a woman choosing to have and keep a child against the father’s wishes. In what other situation is a person held responsible for a situation in which they have no control? In every other decision in our society, if you make the decision, you have the responsibility.
The statistics that in state’s where there are stricter child support laws there are fewer unwed pregnancies are just that: statistics. There is no telling how many confounding variables there are in these unfiltered studies. It could also be argued that if there were NO child support laws there would be fewer unwed pregnancies because women are not stupid and do take into account financial aspects when it comes to decisions like abortion and adoption. And also in tricking men into having a baby.
There should be legal protection for men not wanting to have a child just like there is legal protection for woman to have an abortion because having an unwanted child is worse than an abortion. If having an unwanted child weren’t worse than having an abortion, than there would never have been an abortions right movement.

“We are subject to emotional, irrational women and their control on us.”

See, Happydad, these are the types of comments that make society cringe whenever men talk about being “oppressed.” You’re not oppressed. Men like you obviously think that women are stupid, “irrational” and below you. It is that sort of attitude that has caused women to put up their guards and protect themselves.

You want a more fair society? Stop being a sexist biggot. There are plenty of “emasculated men” (men who take care of their children and are happy with their wives) who understand, love, and care for women. When men like you begin to understand that men and women are people–just PEOPLE–and are fundamentally the same inside, maybe we will get past all this bullcrap. Until then, whine and be sexist, I suppose. See how far it gets you.

I was casually seeing a girl in 2007. We were never in a relationship and only saw eachother when it suited her. She then told me she was pregnant and said she knew i was the father.

I was shocked and told her i couldnt be more against having a baby with her. She said she didnt want or need anything from me, gave me her word. I insisted on a paternity test and even after she said she would pay for it, i had to). Then I had to wait 9 agonizing months until i could get the saliva samples from the mother and baby.

The test 100% excluded me from paternity . The girl said “thats a load of shit, you are the only possible father”. I told her to never contact me again. She didnt for two years, until yesterday she phoned while i was out ( i saw her number as a missed call).

WTF this brings it all back to me, even though i have the DNA results that say i am not the father i get the feeling this woman is going to still give me trouble and insist that i am the father.

Any advice would be appreciated.

With a long history of shotgun marriages and commercial law that relies upon the principle of “you broke it, you pay for it,” men do have the choice of reversible vasectomy today including the option of sperm storage to free themselves from the state anarchy of custody payments for accidental paternity. That men are not coaching men to use that option is shameless in that men are capable of making such decisions for themselves.

Why must women bear all the risk and painful abortions?

Well… at this moment I am going through a tough situation. A female who knew that from time to we engaged in casual sex. She was on birth control and always talked about not wanting kids. I already having a 10 year old daughter didnt want any more kids. I started to break away from her because of her immature behavior, but got caught up in a situation and slept with her again. Now wouldnt you guess… Shw turns up pregnant, claiming that I am the father. For a long time she knew where I stood, that I didnt want to have anymore kids. Furthermore, she was on birth control. Now all of a sudden she becomes pregnant.

So is there any reasonoable doubt out there that she intentionally got preganant… Is it possible that she planned to have sex with me knowing that she wasnt on birth control, in order to ” trap me “.

Now all of the laws are on her side. I will be forced to prove that the child is not mine, out of my pocket… and then if it is, for the next twenty years, I have to deal with this woman and I child that I did not want.

How is that fair ? If she wanted a child then she should have had that child and leave me alone. But because of the laws she can really effect my life and collect a check and do nothing just because she was born a woman and give birth, Yes it doesnt look that bad now. But take in mind that a woman can manipulate the system and find several men and bare children from all of them collect checks and sit back and do nothing. The system and laws are not on the side of a man. Who could have easily been swindled into giving his sperm away.. and thus giving his hard worked dollars away as well… Just ruin the mans life…

Well Davis….I hate to say you are your own worst enemy but…why did you not take birth control into your own hands?! If you were so against having another child why not put a condom on or have a vascteomy? The simply anwer is you liked sex better without one…most guys do, but then don’t sit back and whinge when the girl gets pregenant! This is a lesson for all men…if you care so much about your lives and what happens in them don’t give some girl complete control over it just because you like going bare back!

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

The alternate point of view is that women are not required to conform to any sort of sexual restrictions under the threat of having someone else decide that they will be forced into a family / support relationship.