colintimberlake.comTell her it wasn’t you…

In response to my previous article, “Forced Fatherhood: Are Men Being Treated Equally,” I have received a fair amount of feedback in the way of e-mails.

One particular e-mail on the part of a female reader asked me, given that I am questioning the fairness of the current regime, “why wouldn’t a man want fatherhood?” The context provided by the remainder of the e-mail in no way suggested that the question was asked in a joking manner.

Setting aside the fact that women have fought extremely hard for the right to choose to not be mothers, my response, at its simplest, would be as follows: Why wouldn’t a woman want motherhood? The reasons could be virtually identical. The percentage of pregnancies that result in abortions or adoptions is very sizable, and the reasons a woman might choose these options over motherhood are broad-ranging:

She may not want children, either ever or simply at this point in her life.

The pregnancy may be the result of the man’s negligence or dishonesty about fertility or birth control.

Having a child at this point may compromise her life goals or plans.

She may not have the financial means to provide and care for a child.

She may not want to have to raise a child for the rest of her life with the particular man who got her pregnant.

The point is, there are many reasons why a woman would choose not to be a mother that don’t involve her body. All of these reasons could be equally applicable to a man, and yet a man is not allowed to cite these reasons for a decision to not be a father. He is not allowed to make that choice, and any reference to these reasons would probably result in his being viewed as a deadbeat or immoral.

On the other hand, not only do women have the choice over whether to become a mother (and impose fatherhood on a man) but she is also not required to provide any reasons to justify her choice. She could have an abortion for the most trivial of reasons, while a man could have some very strong reasons for not wanting to be a father or involved (financially or personally) in a family with a particular woman…but regardless of the strength of his reasons, fatherhood is imposed upon him.

Any woman who has ever had (or considered) an abortion or given a child up for adoption (or considered doing so) should, I imagine, be able to relate quite well to the reasons a man might have for not wanting to be a father.

It would be harder, I imagine, for her to relate to not being able to have a choice in the matter, however.

Anyway, thanks for reading and providing your opinions.